Listening Notes

•Listening

•An Important Skill in Communicating

•Stages of listening (HURIER Model)

–Hearing: filtering through and focusing on sounds

–Understanding: applying meaning to the information you heard

–Remembering: recalling the information

–Interpreting: paying attention to the verbal and nonverbal messages of the speaker

–Evaluating: analyzing the message for credibility 

–Responding: verbal and nonverbal: eye contact, asking questions

•Barriers in Listening

•Information Overload: too much info at once

•Rebuttal Tendency: focused on their own needs, thinking about what they are going to say next, talk about themselves, and interrupt.

•Closed-mindedness: being judgmental, second-guessing

•Competitive Interrupting: dominating the conversation by interrupting or creating a battle of wits

•External/Internal Noise

•Listening Styles

•People-oriented: more interpersonal, sensitive to the other person, empathetic

•Action-oriented: want the person to get to the point, the second guess others

•Content-oriented: better at listening to facts and details,

•Time-oriented: like brief descriptions

•Gender Differences

•Women listen to connect with others, to build rapport, and to strengthen relationships

•Men listen to gain respect and establish dominance

•Women make more eye contact

•Men listen to women less than women listen to men

•Not to say that all these ways that men listen or not listen are all negative, it is just based on socialization

•Active Listening

•Active listening: one of the most important skills in communication

•stop: stop thinking about other things: noise, talking to yourself

•look: focus on nonverbal as well as verbal (listen with your eyes and ears)

•listen

–ask questions: to clarify for ourselves and to show we’re paying attention

–paraphrase: what you heard and repeat back to them

–be empathetic: feeling what the other person is feeling

Test #1 Review

Test #1 October 4th

T/F & multiple choice

NO MAKE-UP TESTS

Transactional model (know all parts) - this is NOT in your book

attribution (internal/external/fundamental attribution error)

primacy and recency effect (what is it and what's its impact on your perception?)

self concept (what is it and how does it develop)

Looking-glass self
 
self-fulfilling prophecy
 
self-serving bias
 
impression management & 5 strategies

Halo/Horn Effect

Nonverbal Comm
- proxemics
- what's paralanguage
- 5 kinesics

Listening
- 4 different listeners
- active listening
- barriers of listening

Self Concept Example

Self-Concept

I am motivated for the first time in my adult life. This will be my 2nd semester of college
here at Suffolk County Community College and my first true attempt to better myself and
harness my own potential. At 23 years old I am far from too old to feel out of place here among a
sea of young high school graduates; however there have been a long series of complicated
circumstances in my upbringing and educational life that have prevented me from following the
norm and attending a two-year school fresh out of high school with hope to transfer to a 4-year
university. These reasons while somewhat sad and deeply personal are something I can talk
about with relative ease.

I am one of four children in my family, the oldest boy and second-born overall. My
childhood was fairly positive and average until my mother remarried to my current stepfather
and at the age of 38 and 40 had two more children, my younger brothers Gary and Anthony.
They are both severely disabled. Gary is 14, and afflicted with Spinal Muscular Atrophy Type 3
(a neurological disorder that keeps his outer extremities in constant state of Atrophy preventing
him from walking and many other basic motor functions while having near genius intellect).
Anthony is 12, and was born with a low functioning form of Autism with some possible mental
retardation (he is physically perfect but mentally very slow, juvenile and antisocial). I mention
this because it has been an enormous part of my life to be available to care for them from a
young age. I have had to sacrifice extracurricular activities, social events and schooling
opportunities in order to care for them while one or both parents were working or separated from
each other (my parents like many others have separated multiple times over the years).

My selfesteem is largely based on my ability to benefit my family members and make life as easy as
possible for them. I have even chosen a career that could possibly prove very beneficial to both
of them in Occupational Therapy with possible further schooling in Physical Therapy. I say that I am hopeful for the first time in my adult life because I have recently realized that I do not have to
be tethered to a house and a “babysitter” in order to be happy and help my family. In fact, the best way to go about it is almost certainly to get an education, forge a career, and be able to take care of myself and whatever family I have in the long run. From the ages of 14 to 22 I was told
that I couldn’t do sports, or go away to school, or take that 55 hour a week job because I was
expected to contribute to the house hold as a whole; in being a body to physically carry one child
and secure the others safety. For a long time, I believed that this was true and I often used the
fact that I had familial obligations to stay in my comfort zone and avoid new or difficult
responsibilities in the truest from of self- fulfilling prophecy. I finally grew frustrated with the monotony of this and the constant feelings of depression from not advancing my lot in life, and
anxiety caused by viewing others achievements in contrast to my own; it often felt like (and
sometimes still feels like) the world was just zooming by without me. I always looked for affirmation that the cause I was serving was noble and it was okay to neglect any form of positive employment or schooling as long as there was food on my table and both of my brothers
could carry out their daily routines. I of course had free time, but my past experiences led me to
possess low ambition and I spent my free time often partying, getting into trouble or otherwise unproductive activity. I quite literally woke up one day and decided this self-serving bias, this
need to hear that it was okay to harm my emotional and financial future in order to support the
needs of others had to stop. I realized that I was very interested in the therapy both of my
brothers receive on a weekly basis and had always shown a keen interest for the sciences and
medical field in general. It all made complete sense after that. I decided to aim to become
something that not only allowed me to create a future for myself but if need be I would be able to
aid my siblings in ways significantly more beneficial than just acting as a guardian, having an
OT/PT in my family would be an amazing addition and it not only satisfies the need to move forward in life but I can simultaneously improve my own and my sibling’s lives. This is very important to me as I identify with the need to help others and my self-value has always been
influenced on how beneficial I can be to those around me. The change in my demeanor is as
night and day. I feel unprecedented motivation and my social anxiety has diminished while my drive to excel has increased. The road ahead is one I have never been down before and I am told
that while I have certain advantages in my background that may help me get into my desired
field, I also will need to put my nose to the grindstone and get high grades in order to get into
such a competitive program. A year and a half ago I would have said I wasn’t ready. That I
couldn’t achieve such a tedious and long term goal and that my place was to continue what I was
doing and eventually life would “sort itself out”. That ends here, these prophecies will cease to
fulfill themselves and I will work on becoming a different person. The semester has just started
but I feel that I am adjusting well and am slowly improving in my time management and
changing my old, lazy habits. I am significantly happier this way and if truth be told it will become so much better once I look past the hard work and the obvious benefits having such a rewarding career will bring.

I have always been told family comes first, I have always been told that the needs of the younger comes before the needs of the older, and that I couldn’t have the normal opportunities and attitudes of my peers because of an unusual home life. I realize that this isn’t true, and while
I had a very negative opinion of myself for a very long time I have found that the choices I’m
making now are the correct ones for myself and those around me. I can only remain hopeful that
these feelings of accomplishment will never fade and I continue to have the drive and newfound motivation I currently possess. My past has molded me but I refuse to let it define me anymore.
This new positive self-concept is the one that must stay.

Nonverbal Notes

•Nonverbal Communication

•Characteristics of Nonverbal Communication

•About 80-92% of communication is considered to be nonverbal

•Characteristics

–continuous

–can be intentional or unintentional

–ambiguous

–multichanneled

–based on culture

•Kinesics: communication through body movement

•5 different types of body movement

–Emblems: substitute for words

•thumbs up

–Illustrators: actions that accompany and reinforce a word 

•when catching a fish you say, “it was this big,” shake head

–Regulators: they control interaction

• looking away, stepping away

–Adaptors: unconsciously satisfy a personal need/body tension

•adjusting of glasses, yawning, tap the desk, shake our leg

–Affect Display: showing of emotions and feelings

•Eye Contact

•“the windows to the soul”

•how you look at someone and how long says a lot as to the type of relationship you have

•eye contact rarely lasts long because it arouses emotion

–US average gaze is 2.95 second

–mutual gaze is 1.18

•Functions of eye contact

–It tells you what the other person is thinking

–how you get your feedback

–how you control the conversation

–shows how you feel

•Facial Expressions

•6 universal Facial Expression

–Happiness raising of mouth corners & cheeks

–Sadness lowering of mouth corners raise inner portion of brows

–Surprise brows arch eyes open wide to expose more white jaw drops slightly

–Fear brows raised, eyes open, mouth opens slightly

–Disgust upper lip is raised nose bridge is wrinkled cheeks raised

–Anger brows lowered lips pressed firmly eyes bulging

•Proxemics

•The study of spacial communication

–Intimate space: 0 - 1 ½ feet  

–Personal space: 1 ½ - 4 feet

–Social space: 4 – 12 feet

–Public space: 12 feet - beyond

•Physical Appearance

•your attractiveness level, clothing, shape, hair color, etc.

•people that are viewed as attractive are seen as outgoing, kind, interesting

•body types:

–ectomorph: lean, thin, fragile looking, long limbs

•shy, anxious, reserved

–mesomorph: athletic, hourglass shape/v-shaped, good posture

•leaders, good communicators

–endomorph: overweight, round, soft

•warm

•Paralanguage

•Not what we say, but how we say it

•Vocal expression that accompanies the spoken words

–Pitch

–Rate

–Tone

–Volume

–Accent

–Silence

•Haptics: study of communication through touch

•Types

–Affectionate: It conveys closeness and affection.  Partners touch each other more as their relationship becomes more intimate.

–Caregiving: Care or service

–Power and control: High-status people are more likely to touch those of lower status than vice versa.

–Aggressive: Impose physical harm

–Ritualistic: Part of custom or tradition

•Quasi Courtship Behavior

•Nonverbal flirting stages

–Courtship readiness: suck in our stomach, stand up straighter,  tense muscles 

–Preening: combing hair, applying make up, straightening a tie, double checking appearance in mirror 

–Positional cues: making sure we are seen 

–Appeals to invitation: Exposed skin, direct eye contact, open body positions